The Darkside
The Darkside
People close to me may have noticed that I slid backwards a little heading into this one. The NBA Finals being tied to my test results. That made a lot of sense, didn’t it? I was not thinking positively. Doubt was creeping in. Right after doubt comes fear.
One thing I can compare this to, as corny as it sounds, is that evil tree in the Empire Strikes Back. Yoda tells Luke he must go in but he cannot be afraid. He tells Luke that the fear will destroy him. But, Luke cannot let go of his fear. He goes inside and confronts Darth Vader. After he defeats Vader, Darth’s mask comes off and Luke sees that it is his face.
That is how I feel. Make no mistake about it. I am not fighting cancer right now. It is looking more and more like the medical story of the crisis ended in 2005. What I am fighting is myself. When I think positively I am fine. But when I give in to the darkside of my personality I quickly end up in a bad place. I get angry, hard to deal with, and almost totally non-functional.
Note this has spilled into other aspects of my life. I had a real problem with anxiety before 2005. That is almost gone. Heck, after being told you have terminal cancer what else is there? I used to get ahead of myself and try to figure out what could possible go wrong. I would then worry like crazy. This situation has taught me to let life come to me. Don’t go to the stress. Let the stress come to you. Don’t assume the worst when confronted by unknowns. Most of the time you will be wrong. If something really is a problem, you will know soon enough. JUST THINK POSITIVELY! Cancer has taught me that lesson. And I am grateful for it.
There is also another major lesson that I learned over the past two years. But, that is more unique to my situation. I have not put it out there in this forum. Oh well, if there ever is Cheeseburgerstogo director’s cut...
People close to me may have noticed that I slid backwards a little heading into this one. The NBA Finals being tied to my test results. That made a lot of sense, didn’t it? I was not thinking positively. Doubt was creeping in. Right after doubt comes fear.One thing I can compare this to, as corny as it sounds, is that evil tree in the Empire Strikes Back. Yoda tells Luke he must go in but he cannot be afraid. He tells Luke that the fear will destroy him. But, Luke cannot let go of his fear. He goes inside and confronts Darth Vader. After he defeats Vader, Darth’s mask comes off and Luke sees that it is his face.
That is how I feel. Make no mistake about it. I am not fighting cancer right now. It is looking more and more like the medical story of the crisis ended in 2005. What I am fighting is myself. When I think positively I am fine. But when I give in to the darkside of my personality I quickly end up in a bad place. I get angry, hard to deal with, and almost totally non-functional.
Note this has spilled into other aspects of my life. I had a real problem with anxiety before 2005. That is almost gone. Heck, after being told you have terminal cancer what else is there? I used to get ahead of myself and try to figure out what could possible go wrong. I would then worry like crazy. This situation has taught me to let life come to me. Don’t go to the stress. Let the stress come to you. Don’t assume the worst when confronted by unknowns. Most of the time you will be wrong. If something really is a problem, you will know soon enough. JUST THINK POSITIVELY! Cancer has taught me that lesson. And I am grateful for it.
There is also another major lesson that I learned over the past two years. But, that is more unique to my situation. I have not put it out there in this forum. Oh well, if there ever is Cheeseburgerstogo director’s cut...
posted by cheesie_67 at 7:12 AM
2 Comments:
Tom.....your blog is inspirational to me. I too love Star Wars and the part about Luke and the tree has me meditating...I have been fighting a rare cancer called GIST for three years and now dx with RCC and upcoming neph, I (usually an easygoing and upbeat person) am finding an undercurrent of anger which pops out at unexpected times.
Hate it, must get rid of it (also the self pity) Thanks...think I will plan to kick Vader's butt.
I am 70 and a bit short winded so can't do marathons to help with outgetting but I can go to the gym more and I'll be thinking about Luke and you.
So, to be sure I'm tracking here, essentially, what you're saying is; HOLD ON LOOSELY! ; -)
Sorry, you just set that all up so well. All kidding aside, that's very deep.
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