August 31st - Sept 13th 2005 - CTScan Again
Went for my next appointment with the spinning dragron (ct scan). I have been poked and pricked so many times that they had a lot of trouble getting the IV in. At least this experience had gotten me over my fear of needles. They did check my kidney function before hand and said that it looked OK.
They told me the results would be ready in a couple of days but I would have to get them from my oncologist when I saw him in two weeks. I could not wait. I called his office and asked for the report. I must have caught someone new in the office, because they were willing to send it out, no questions asked, to a fax number I gave them.
I was praying the report would show stable masses. It did not. The first page said that the mass in my lung and noticeable lymph nodes were stable. I turned the page to see what was going on with the large mass next to my esophagus and aorta. The report said that it could not be imaged this time. Could not be imaged? I was praying it would be stable. I didn't think gone would be an option.
I knew this changed everything. There were definitely things to worry about, the lymph nodes and spot in my lung. However, what I thought was the loaded gun aimed at my aorta could not be seen this time.
I ran home to tell my wife. She was upset. She didn't want me interpreted medical stuff on my own. I then said something I should have not, "I guess your upset that I am not going to die soon". And, I said it in front of the children. Of course she was not upset that I was not going to die soon. She was worried that when we did meet the doctor, he would pull the hope away from us.
All of all the stupid things I have done in our marriage, and there have been many, this was the dumbest. Cancer is extremely tough on caregivers. Everyone worries about the patient. People think about those providing care less often. There lives are turned upside down too. Everyone was looking out for me. Noone was looking out for my wife. Not even me. She has to deal with my sickness, my emotions, and the fear that she is going to be left alone to deal with everything if I do pass on. The resulting fight was big. But I had it coming.
We met with my onconologist on the 13th. He confirmed my interpretation. He said that large tumors metastasize more often than small ones. And, I had a LARGE tumor. But things looked OK now. He said I needed more scans in three months. I asked him if we could wait until after the holidays:) He understood and agreed. He did not give me a prognosis and I did not ask for one. After the initial you could be dead in two months, I could handle future unknown.
Hell I am even considering going to my 20 year high school reunion. This was out of the question when my prognosis was poor. However, with my prognosis unknown, it may be doable.
They told me the results would be ready in a couple of days but I would have to get them from my oncologist when I saw him in two weeks. I could not wait. I called his office and asked for the report. I must have caught someone new in the office, because they were willing to send it out, no questions asked, to a fax number I gave them.
I was praying the report would show stable masses. It did not. The first page said that the mass in my lung and noticeable lymph nodes were stable. I turned the page to see what was going on with the large mass next to my esophagus and aorta. The report said that it could not be imaged this time. Could not be imaged? I was praying it would be stable. I didn't think gone would be an option.
I knew this changed everything. There were definitely things to worry about, the lymph nodes and spot in my lung. However, what I thought was the loaded gun aimed at my aorta could not be seen this time.
I ran home to tell my wife. She was upset. She didn't want me interpreted medical stuff on my own. I then said something I should have not, "I guess your upset that I am not going to die soon". And, I said it in front of the children. Of course she was not upset that I was not going to die soon. She was worried that when we did meet the doctor, he would pull the hope away from us.
All of all the stupid things I have done in our marriage, and there have been many, this was the dumbest. Cancer is extremely tough on caregivers. Everyone worries about the patient. People think about those providing care less often. There lives are turned upside down too. Everyone was looking out for me. Noone was looking out for my wife. Not even me. She has to deal with my sickness, my emotions, and the fear that she is going to be left alone to deal with everything if I do pass on. The resulting fight was big. But I had it coming.
We met with my onconologist on the 13th. He confirmed my interpretation. He said that large tumors metastasize more often than small ones. And, I had a LARGE tumor. But things looked OK now. He said I needed more scans in three months. I asked him if we could wait until after the holidays:) He understood and agreed. He did not give me a prognosis and I did not ask for one. After the initial you could be dead in two months, I could handle future unknown.
Hell I am even considering going to my 20 year high school reunion. This was out of the question when my prognosis was poor. However, with my prognosis unknown, it may be doable.
posted by cheesie_67 at 3:13 PM
2 Comments:
Interesting website with a lot of resources and detailed explanations.
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I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys.
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