June 15th 2005 - Maybe as Soon as Two Months

Got up and went to the Cleveland Clinic. It seemed like we were waiting forever in the examination room for the doctor to come in. He confirmed our worst fears. Sandy asked him if it could be benign. He said that was highly unlikely. He looked her in the eye and told here "don't think this is not cancer". He would not look me in the eye during the entire consult.

He told me that the only way to treat Kidney Cancer is to get it out before it spreads. He said that I needed surgery and they could get me in about two weeks, after some tests. He said that from the CAT scan it looked like the spleen was involved and would have to come out. In addition, the pancreas would have to be shaved. There was also a chance of bowel involvement. He also told me that there a good chance my tumor would not be removable and they would have to simply close me up.

One thing the working in the work bureaucracy for 15 years taught me was how to read people's body language. I could tell that this guy would treat me and do so to the best of his ability. But, in his mind I was already dead. It was just a matter of time. I asked him about time frame for planning purposes. He said maybe as soon as two months.

We thanked him and immediately called University Hospitals. They said they could see me if I could come over right away. Obviously we did. My wife and I were crying on the way over. All I could think of was my kids. I could handle the issue of my own mortality. However, I could not deal with the idea of leaving them fatherless.

Met with Dr. xxxx from University Hospitals. He agreed that it was cancer. He scheduled an MRI and a CAT scan for me. The MRI was to examining the local area of the kidney. The CAT scan was to look for spread into the rest of my body. He told me that the primary surgeon who did these things, Dr. xxxxx,was on vacation. But, given my condition, they would fit me in as soon as they could.

I asked him for a prognosis. He refused to give one. He said he was not willing too until they got the tumor out and staged and graded it. He simply said I don't know. I would learn that those three words "I don't know" would be smartest thing a doctor could say.

I went on the internet at night to get educated. I learned that if the cancer had spread to organs such as my spleen it would be considered Stage IV, terminal.